Alternately Titled: The Worst Stomach Virus I've ever had-- I almost died.
Well, I'm back. I caught Thunder's three day virus. Only it didn't stop on day three. Day three was when I took a turn for the worse. So on day four, I ended up in the ER for IV fluids. Along the way, Her Highness and Flash Flood also picked up the bug. The meanest three are still left standing. (Bert, Lightning and Hail... as if I had to explain.) And hopefully they're now in the clear, but I'm not holding my breath.
Poor Bert. We learned several things during this round with Satan's stomach virus:
1. Bert is a much better nurse than I am when he's sick.
2. Bert is a much better mom/housewife when it comes to patience and doing chores.
3. Bert is a much better bedtime story teller.
4. Bert's limit for all of the above is four days. After four days he is done and simply cannot continue being the fill-in Momma one second longer. So it's either get well or call for reinforcements.
This was the conversation between my Mother (Cookie) and me when she called to check in Saturday morning:
Me: Pray for Bert. And for the rest of us.
Cookie: Why? Oh, no. Does he have it now too??
Me: No, no. He's still feeling fine. He's just reached his limit and is about to crack.
Cookie: Uh, oh.
Me: Hey, if anything ever happens to me, don't be offended when Bert remarries in only four days. 'Cause apparently that's his limit. He can't handle the kids alone more than that.
Cookie: Honey, we won't be offended. He'll be doing us all a favor.
After getting lots of rest over the weekend, drinking water by the gallon, and slowly adding solids back into my diet, I am finally able to rejoin the land of the living.
Feeling 100%, I'm ready to tackle the 87 loads of laundry, which are piled to the ceiling in various rooms through out the house. Bert is a man of many talents, but laundry is not one of them.
During my many, many hours spent in seclusion in the restroom, between prayers for relief, I spent some time self-reflecting. Mostly on the untidiness of our bathrooms. And bedrooms. And living room. And kitchen. Not that a sparkling clean tub would have made that 58th diarrhea trip any less painful, but it might have kept me from staring at the moldy grout, which gave me an extra reason to bang my head against the wall.
"God, I promise... blaaaaaaaahhhhh... if you'll just make this virus go aw.... blaaaaaaaaahhhh..... I'll clean this whole.... blaaaaaaahhhhhh..... house and act like a 30 year ol...... blaaaaaaahhhh...... d. Please God, take this virus away from my family and I promise to get my act.... blaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.... together. I'll even start folding the.... blaaaaaaaaaah..... laundry. Andpleasedon'tletanyoneelsecatchit!!" During my final vomiting session, I pleaded with God, because, you know, cleanliness is Godliness. And since God held up his end of the bargain, it's time I do mine.
So, that's where YOU come in. What time can you be here.... Kidding. I do need some tips for organization. I want to know, what are the organizational items/tools you can't live without?? What helps your day run smoothly and keeps you on track with cleaning and other chores??
I need to career shadow someone with a clean house. "Hey, Bert.. I'll be back in a week, okay? I'm going to career shadow a successful housewife. Make that two weeks. I want to make sure I get her system down pat, so I can come home and implement it. Don't call me. I'll call you. BYE!" I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Since it's for business purposes and all.
One of my favorite quotes of all times comes from Erma Bombeck, "My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk until I faint."
That perfectly sums it up for me.
In other news, school ends TOMORROW. And I cannot believe Her Highness will soon be a 3rd grader and Thunder a 1st grader. It seems like yesterday I was doing the ugly cry, writing notes to stick in their lunch boxes. And today, I did the ugly cry again, watching the class slide show made by Thunder's teacher. Watching those precious kindergarten babies grow to tunes such as Toy Story's "You've Got a Friend in Me," and Green Day's "Good Riddance" was simply too much for me to handle. It's been a fun year. And both Her Highness and Thunder were blessed to have such dedicated and loving teachers.
Now it's time for the lazy pool days I've been dreaming of all year. BRING ON SUMMER!!!
And bring on your organizational/cleaning tips! I really do want to hear them.
HAPPY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL TO YOU!!!
Love, Big Momma