Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A Walk Down Memory Lane...

I've always tried to be the type of Mother who didn't cling too tightly to the past. I didn't cry when my babies grew out of their 0-3 months clothes. I didn't watch home videos of them just learning to roll over after they learned how to walk. I did cry when I dropped Lucy off for her first day of kindergarten, but not for long. I'm not bragging, nor do I think this is the only way to be. I'm just stating a fact... I want to be the type of Mother who grows with her children and appreciates each stage, all while having fun every step of the way.
This often proves easier said than done.

Occasionally, I'll catch a glimpse of Lucy and think, "That's exactly what she's going to look like when she's grown." In moments such as these, I get a huge lump in my throat and have to fight back tears. The boys still have their baby fat and faces, so they don't give me quite the same reactions just yet. I've always enjoyed being near my children and watching them play together. Sometimes I imagine taking a digital picture of them, and saving it to the memory card in my brain, though that software isn't as accurate as the one on my computer. But, the one on my computer can't remind me how they felt so soft, sounded so sweet and smelled of Johnson & Johnson's Lavender baby lotion. I have done this "brain freeze picture imaging" countless times, and I will be honest, tonight my memory card is failing me. I hope that one day it will replay in my head, maybe as I hold my new grand babies for the first time. Or on a day when I just need a pick me up, the lifelong "Tivo" will automatically select "play" and all my fun will flash and dance before me.
I have heard many wise Mommas, who I think the world of, say over and over again, "WRITE it ALL down! You will forget the cute things they say." So, while I can remember these two, I'm going to do just that.

One night, when Lucy was only two years old, I was getting ready to go out with a group of ladies from church. Lucy sat on my bathroom counter watching me get ready for the evening, playing in my makeup bag, and talking about things that made her feel grown. She started this tradition at only 18 months old, and she still does it now. I hope she always will. Anyway, she asked several times why she couldn't go out for Girl's Night.
"I am a girl."
"I know, I know, but you'll have more fun if you stay here and play. It's really more like a meeting, you would be bored."
I lied. Even at the young age of two, Lucy loved social settings.
"So, who's gonna babysit us?"
"Daddy. He will be home from work soon."
"But Momma, why aren't you going to leave us with a grown-up?"
I promise that is a true story.
She was barely two years old, and those exact words came out of that precious child's mouth. I laughed so hard I cried. At the sweet age of TWO, she got it. She understood at two, what it takes men their entire lives to understand.

Lucy began taking ballet lessons when she was three years old. After her very first dance class, Bert and I were pumping her for information, wanting to hear all about it.
"Did you like the teacher? Did you have fun? What new friends did you make..."
Lucy answered each question with exact details, as she always has.
"The teacher was very nice. Her name is Mrs. Cindy. We danced like butterflies and got to say our names and everyone was wearing pink tutus! And I made a new friend named Nervous." She said without even making a face to signify that might be a weird name.
"Nervous? WHO was named that? Honey, I don't think anyone was named Nervous." I tried to explain.
Lucy responded without missing a beat, "Yes she was, Momma! The teacher kept saying, 'It's okay, you're just NERVOUS."'

So, in the quick moments that I feel I'm losing the battle to the sappy, tear jerking side of Motherhood, I try to remember precious moments such as these, and thank GOD for giving me such fun and sweet times. I can't wait to see what more HE has planned.


Kiera said...

Precious!! Yes you must write it all down because those little sayings are priceless! I do love me some Lucy. She's just so sweet and direct. I could listen to her for hours!! I wish I lived closer so I could! Love and miss yall oh so much!!

Dixie said...

How can you not cry, I am about to! Look at that precious girl! I am going right now to find the picture of my first introduction to LuLu just so I can remember that sweet baby's face! I love her like my own, I hope she always loves me and thinks I am cool. I guess if I start to see it slip away I will have to sneak her chocolate and a barbie, I know that will win her heart, at least for a few more years. ha!

Love, Dixie

Cindy said...

I am constantly trying to remember to write things down, take more pictures, learn to operate our video camera, all in a vain attempt to freeze Cooper's childhood. I am the sappy mom that still gets sad because Cooper can now pronounce words correctly, that he no longer has that little chubby baby face, that he now tells me I can't call him Cooper Prater Sweet Potater in front of anyone, and that he's just growing up. The time passes far to quickly. In the blink of any eye, they'll be grown. It terrifies me. When Coop and Jordan are just too growny for me to handle, I often hit rewind in my head too. I replay the days of Jordan singing all about how Dr. King was a "civilized" leader (she refused to believe that the words were most likely "civil rights leader"). Or, the days when Cooper would call Jay "ditto" instead of Daddy and carried his "bink-bink" (that's blanket in 1 1/2-2 year old speak) EVERYWHERE he toddled off too. Then, I try to force myself back to present day and admire the kind, loving, beautiful young woman we've raised and the sweet and tender hearted "big" boy we now have. It's so hard to be a mama, isn't it? To raise them up to leave you, when you want nothing more than to hold them tightly to you forever.

Holly said...

Thanks, Cindy. I've got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes again! :-)

Dana said...

Have you been lacking sleep lately? I find that I have those moments when I'm the most tired! I started my blog when Emma was two (she is five now) and every now and then, I go back and read about those sweet moments that we had and I too get a lump in my throat.. Actually, I usually just boo hoo. It's bittersweet. I can't wait to see the person that God makes them but as hard as I try to absorb each moment, they slip by so quickly!

Frogs in my formula said...

That is too funny about the Dad comment. I always try to write things down. In the moment, I swear I'll remember but months pass and you forget the small but important moments.

Looks like you have a beautiful family. Thanks for stopping by Frogs!