Friday, January 30, 2009

Two hours of my life I can never get back

Last night Bert and I watched Transporter II, on FX. Let me just start by saying that was the biggest waste of time FX could have possibly aired. The movie must have been written by a 15 year old male. 19 minutes into it, I looked over at Bert and said, "Okay, seriously, we're losing brain cells here." To which, Bert responded, "Come on, it's not that bad. I admit, it's missing a plot, but I've seen worse." Translate: Male + gun fights + car chasing + crotch shots (explanation: the hot female nemesis had a tattoo right on the top of her inner thigh, which was suppose to be a clue to who knows what, and the fact that they had to show that over and over again proves my point that a 15 year old male wrote the stinkin' story) = holding his attention just enough not to change the channel/not that bad.

In Bert's defense, our remote control is broken, (Hail spilled my entire cup of coffee on it one morning) so we're living in the stone ages until one of us remembers to stop by the Charter office and exchange it for a new one. You would think it would be at the top of our list... well, it's not, that is until the kids are in the bed and we're trying to find something good to watch.

This brings me to my next point. Since I'm too lazy to hop up during commercial breaks, I've been watching the wonderful advertisements that companies are paying big bucks for marketing teams to produce. To the men out there who are dumb enough to buy the whole "Natural Male Enhancement" scheme, I would like for you to be sterilized immediately. For the love of all mankind, we do not need you reproducing. I am afraid once you idiotic males feel "enhanced" more idiotic dingbats will be produced, who will grow up and write more exciting action packed thrillers such as Transporter II.

While I am harping on wasted time in front of the teli, I would like to move on to my next complaint. The Duggars. Originally, I found their family interesting and sweet. Now I am finding them annoying and almost gross. Did anyone catch the Duggar Wedding episode??? Weird. They actually stated in their vows to let God determine the number of children they would have. WHAT?? Okay, I will go ahead and beat all of you to the punch, NO those weren't the vows heard at our wedding too. I mean, come on people!

Next, while not flipping channels during The Duggars, I kept seeing commercials for yes, male enhancements, but also for a new series airing on Animal Planet called "Jockeys." Animal Planet, please stick to what you know... ANIMALS. There are enough fake reality shows that glamorize careers that aren't glamorous. Besides, the world only loves "Little People, Big World" because it is an original. Sticking them on horses and calling it "Jockeys" is not original.

I'm going to end my hissy where I started... FX. Other than the 84 times a month that you play 13 Going on 30 or Shallow Hal, I don't care if you shut down the network entirely. Letting your horny, 17 year old grandson select all the shows and movies (which were written by his friends and peers (see first paragraph)) is lazy and again, a waste of air time. Hiring an adult (female) might help you get sponsors other than Enzyte.


Tesney said...

I'm halfway finished with my Duggar wedding post...just caught up with it on DVR. We are so on the same page. It should be up by tonight so check it out. I have several observations from that episode that are downright disturbing.

Holly said...

I can't wait. I know it will be hilarious!

Dana said...

You crack me up girl.. I have the opposite problem with our TV. Emma pushed the power button too hard and pushed it all the way through. Now, we can only turn it off or on with the remote. I keep asking God to keep the batteries on the remote from going dead while "The Wiggles" are on!

Cindy said...

And the church said.... AMEN! Preach on sister friend! You are hee-haw-larious Holly! I just love reading your insights. Also, on a random note, I bought Milanos this weekend. I bought the 100 calorie packs, thinking it would keep me from eating the entire box. I was wrong! :-)

Shekinah Glory said...

About Enzyte... don't knock it till you try it. We love it.

Holly said...

You nasty.