Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dear Future Mrs. Thunder, Mrs. Lightning & Mrs. Hail...

I would just like to apologize in advance for your husband's behavior. There is no excuse for it. I would like to say, I've tried my best, and so far, it has been in vain. Please do not take out your anger on me when you fall into the toilet at 2am because they never would put the seat down. Since the day I began potty training, I swore I would make it second nature for them to put the seat back to it's original position and close the lid. Thus far, Thunder & Lightning both REFUSE to complete this task. I still have hope for Hail, as he is not yet potty trained. Last night, as I sleepily trudged into the bathroom to do my middle of the night business, I took an oath once again, to force those two boys to help a lady out and lower the seat. Yes, I fell directly into the icy cold water, which immediately jousted me out of my half unconscious state, causing me to lay in the bed WIDE AWAKE for nearly an hour before getting back to sleep. During that hour I had ample time to think about all the things I wanted to train my boys to do better.... Not just for themselves, but for their future wives. The ones I've been praying for since I first met my baby boys. The ones who would someday (hopefully) give me loads of grandchildren. The ones I secretly hope are orphans so they'll always want me around and have a need for an overbearing mother-figure in their lives. Yes, for those girls are the ones I want to make my little men be the best they can possibly be.

Then, I fell back asleep. Woke up this morning and had a talk with Thunder & Lightning about the correct etiquette of the toilet....

"Okay, Guys. You can do this. Just put the potty seat down after you're done. That's all I'm asking. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am.... sure.... got it...." All while half listening since Scooby-Doo was blaring behind me.

Moments later, Thunder goes to the bathroom. I listened to hear if he would remember our little talk. Nothing. Not even a flush. I walk in as he's exiting and see drops all over the toilet seat, that had NEVER BEEN RAISED. I'm sure in his mind he was thinking, if he didn't raise it, he wouldn't have to lower it.

Boys are just GROSS!!!

Sorry future orphan daughter-in-laws. Still love me, okay?

5 comments:

Voice of Reason said...

Perhaps if they had positive male role model in their lives...

Dana said...

I'd be willing to hand one of my girls over just because you're thinking about these things. Such a head start over most. I'm sure your daughter in laws will love you!

Holly said...

Dana, we sure would have some beautiful grandbabies! Plus, I wouldn't mind sharing my time with you! Your girls are so sweet and pretty... we should definitely work something out. :-)

Dixie said...

Hilarious! I complain about how Brian must have been so freakin' spoiled because he doesn't do anything, and I am falling right into that trap myself. Luke yells every morning "MILK" and guess who runs to the refrig to pour his fresh cup of milk, ME! When you go pick your boys' orphans could you get me one too! ha!

Supabloggasuprememama said...

bwahahahahaha!