Monday, July 20, 2009

Because of Winn Dixie....

Today, I nearly lost my religion. I don't know if it's this pregnancy, which contributes greatly to my already horrible case of Mom-nesia, or if it's just that store in general, but Winn Dixie and I are no longer on speaking terms. It along with Wal-mart, has been black-listed as far as I'm concerned. Wal-mart, well, for obvious reasons... NONE of their employees are happy to be at work. And, I don't blame them. But, they don't have to glare at me when I simply ask of them what they were hired for-- to check out my items and take my money. But, whatever. That's just one of the MANY reasons I hate Stuff-mart. Back to Winn Dixie...

We have had gorgeous weather the last few days, I'm talking nearly zero humidity and highs in the 80's. Those who live in the south know this is unheard of for the month of July. Well, unheard of even for the month of October. So, we've been making the most of it and playing outside non-stop for the last three days. Hail and Lightning were worn slap out by rest time today, so they both passed out during the movie that was showing in our cool and quiet living room. While they were napping, I decided to take advantage and leave the sleeping boys with Bert, who was working from home.

Because of my disdain for Stuff-mart, Her Highness, Thunder and I decided to try Winn-Dixie today since they have "batman buggies." Bert ran in there with the boys over the weekend and Thunder noticed their double carts were black, and the "car part" where you can buckle two kids in together, was at the back of the cart instead of the front. This was a happy experience for my boys who hate going grocery shopping with a passion, since they are crammed together sometimes over an hour in those tiny cars, as I bargain hunt to feed our ever growing family. Also, Winn-Dixie had a lot of items that were BOGO free. We could both win.... so I thought.

As we were walking through the parking lot, I noticed Her Highness and Thunder had way more energy than usual. But how? Why? We'd been outside for six straight hours, running and chasing and pretending it was Spring. "I'm just extra tired. Energy is wasted on the young." I said to myself, probably out loud. As we walked through the doors, things only got worse. Thunder got an extra boost of energy and decided not to ride in the Batman buggy he had talked about for the last two days. Instead, he chose to run... and laugh... and scream back at us about all the things he was finding up ahead. "Fine, if you're going to do that, at least look for..." And I would name stuff on our list. I just wasn't in the mood to do my whole "Now, now children. I'm going to count to three..." fake, calm and collected bit I try to pull when we're out in public, then beat the stew out of them once we're in the safety of my own dusty van. I just spanked Thunder, appropriately, right then and there when he decided he couldn't calm down and at least stay on the same aisle as me. Her Highness had retreated to the cart, watching and commenting, as any mini-mommy would do. Finally, I plopped Thunder down next to her and buckled him in, TIGHT. He struggled for a moment, then gave up, pretending to drive the Bat-mobile.

An older male employee, who had witnessed our altercation, then spoke up in a cooing voice, like one would use to speak to a newborn, or a dog, "Awww, are you guys driving??"
I smiled, as I am accustomed to total strangers making comments to/about my red-heads and said jokingly, "Yes, they're driving their Momma CRAZY." Old Man River continues, "Well, maybe you should lay off the sugar." And points directly to Thunder. Or was it my cart filled with BOGO Cheeze-its and Famous Amos Cookies?? Either way, it was NONE OF HIS BUSINESS.

We passed the old geezer and headed to the meat department. Dear Struggling Winn Dixie, if you're going to call yourself "The Beef People" could you maybe have at least one type of beef that doesn't have TOMORROW as the expiration date?? Seriously, I like to buy meat that I don't have to go home and use immediately, or freeze. I want to keep it in my fridge until, oh, say Wednesday at the very least, and know it won't be all gray and gross. Sheesh. Is that so much to ask?? Kroger doesn't think so. And Kroger has carts that can seat up to four kiddos, and since that's my only other option since I've now blacklisted you along with Stuff-mart, I will be using them in the future. Also, why in the world is your toilet paper located along with back to school supplies? Think paper goods here... paper towels, paper plates, toilet paper. Not, notebooks, pencil cases and toilet paper!!! What am I thinking, of course it belongs right between tailgating goods and lunch boxes!

My head still hurts from being in that store.

I will give Winn-Dixie props on their cashiers. Instead of eyes rolling when I pulled out my checkbook, (yes, some of us do still use those primitive forms of money) the pot-head surfer dude said, "Yeah, sure." swinging his highlighted hair out of his eyes, "We'll take your check. I'm just gonna need a picture ID." Little secret here, we lived in Georgia a few years ago and I had to renew my license while there. The expiration date is 15 years away, so why in the world would I take all four kids up to the courthouse and wait in line to get a new one, just because we live in a different state now?? Oh, yeah, cause that's illegal. Well, to be honest, the chances of me committing a far worse crime while waiting in that line with The Hudson Storm scare me more than getting pulled over and being told to go have it changed. Back to my story..... The high as a kite wanna-be surfer says when he sees my license, "Ummm, like, what's the initials for Georgia?" "Seriously?" I say laughing, then sadly realizing he was serious, "G-A would be the abbreviation." Come on, Winn Dixie!


The Hills said...

In total agreement...DISPISE Wal-mart and Winn Dixie! And I honestly don't know how you can handle more than one child at the grocery store!!! Amazing :)

Anonymous said...

This was so funny to read! I always love reading your blogs cause their so funny. I haven't been brave to try going to the grocery with just Anne Katherine, you're so much better than I am. She screamed the other day when I took her to the doctor with me and I told Jonathan that was it for her outings :)

Nikki McElroy said...

Publix is coming soon,
to visit morning or night or noon,
Hope they have gigantic buggies
To hold all your food and Huggies.
Plenty of room for snacks and toys,
and all of your precious boys!

We should email the company ASAP to request cool kid things at the store!

Supabloggasuprememama said...

ffffffuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn!!!! i gave up on shopping & just send jamin!