Monday, March 22, 2010

New Rules Regarding Toy Purchases

First off, I would like to say how incredibly blessed we are to have the wonderful set of friends and family we do. Bert and I are so thankful to have such an amazing group of people to help us raise our children. Kiss-up session out of the way.....


If any of you wonderful friends and family plan to give a gift to our children in the future, the gift must meet the following criteria....


Note: To run the proper tests on all probable gifts you will need a stop watch and possibly a first-aid kit.

Test 1: Start the timer and try to remove the toy from its package. If it takes more than eleven minutes to remove said toy from the package, scratch item from the list and move on to next choice.

Test 2: See that toys which are capable of breaking free from packaging in less than eleven minutes are also easy to assemble, stay put together when dropped/thrown from a balcony, and do not require a degree in engineering to play with. (To help you with your search, Transformers do not meet any of these requirements.)

Test 3: Try using gift idea as a weapon. Item may be tested by knocking your two year old upside the head. If he bleeds or cries when hit, scratch toy from the list.

Test 4: If probable gift has passed the above tests, throw it on the floor. Remove shoes and close your eyes tightly. Walk around barefoot, with eyes still closed to simulate waking at 2am and walking across house to get a crying child. Step on toy several times. If the toy makes you cry, bleed or cuss when stepped upon, do not purchase. Find another toy and repeat Tests 1-4 again.

If you are wondering which gifts would actually pass all of these tests, gift certificates for massages, pedicures and any restaurants without an indoor playground pass with flying colors, and are truly loved and appreciated by us all. After all, if Momma ain't happy......

4 comments:

Trace Car Driver said...

AMEN AMEN and AMEN!!!!!! i just threw away all of trace's transformer's recently. those things are so cheap! and my fav part was walking thru the house in the middle of the nite stepping on toys. SERIOUSLY. could those hot wheels and dinosaurs be any sharper??? :o)
LOVE your blog holly. you keep me laughing! (and you help me get thru the work day!)

Dixie said...

LOL! Amen to test #4! I have stepped on so many toys, hit my shins on the walker, etc. in the middle of the night, I can sympathize, only it's x5 at your house! Strangely, any our toys that have more than 2 pieces are usually disassembled and lost within the first 5 minutes of opening. I don't know what happens to the pieces??? Maybe the dog eats them?

My disclaimer: I am also thankful for whatever anyone wants to buy my children as well, I have a wonderful family & friends!

Shannon and Andrew said...

Thank you Holly I need to laugh today!!! I LOVE your gift buying guide and believe we should all apply by those guidelines.

Kiera said...

Sounds good to me! I think I will adhear to that list myself! :)