Last night we enjoyed take-out from my all time favorite Chinese restaurant here in town. After devouring our hot & sour soup, sesame seed chicken and fried rice, we all stopped just short of total gluttony while the children eagerly cracked open their fortune cookies.
Lightning doesn't care for those things, so he hopped down from the table and resumed his busy schedule of rescuing the world, imaginary style.
Hail ate the entire thing, fortune and all. The fortune there is that it's only a little piece of paper, so it should have no trouble passing. The least of our worries concerning things he has ingested.
Her Highness' fortune read: "Teamwork will be best used in the week ahead."
She shrugged after hearing this, and munched on the sweet, cracker-like cookie.
Thunder's read: "You will do better with real estate than stocks."
To which he scoffed, "Awww! I wanted mine to say, 'You will get lots and lots of money tomorrow.'" I agreed. I wanted his to read that too. And since in his little four-year-old world, "lots and lots of money" is about five bucks, I could totally get away with passing along the 5$ bill and keeping whatever was left.
Why can't fortune cookies give real information any way? I need useful information here, and would appreciate it being most precise. For example: "Go to be early tonight. For your daughter will wake around 2:30 vomiting." Could've used that tid-bit of info last night, so instead of staying up late, I could have gotten a few more hours of sleep, before Her Highness decided to blow royal chunks in the porcelain throne.
Or, how about ones that read: "Place padding around the hearth of your fireplace immediately. Stitches are in your son's near future."
"Take lots of vitamin C, and stock up on clear fluids and tylenol. Your entire family is soon to come down with swine flu."
"Do not go to the park tomorrow. The obnoxious Mom you've been avoiding for weeks will be there, enquiring why she's not yet received her equally obnoxious child's invitation to your son's birthday party."
"Finish all chores today, for falling asleep early on the couch will result in several drop-in guests tomorrow. A clean house is an unvisited one. While a messy house is always dropped in upon."
"Don't bother washing your daughter's hair tonight. The school nurse will call before 10 am to notify you she's got head lice and must be checked out."
"Send extra underwear in your son's back pack to preschool. He's going to poop in his pants this week."
"Do not wear a strap-less dress while holding your 23 month old. He will pull your top down while you are in public, showing the world your goods."
"Have your husband pick up your preschooler from school tomorrow. Your child is going to be in trouble by pick-up time, and that way you won't have to deal with the teacher."
"Force your three-year old to wear overalls and a belt out in public for the next four days. This will cause some delay when he tries to urinate on the sidewalk, allowing you a few extra seconds to stop him. Or at least act as a human shield."
"Avoid taking your almost two-year old to any quiet places, such as the library or church services. He will announce repeatedly that he 'just pooted and it's stinky!' for all to hear."
"Do not scream like a mad woman at your husband for bringing home groceries so you can cook dinner after you called and asked him to pick up dinner. He has testicles, which sometimes result in his in-ability to think clearly."
"Do not change the sheets on your middle child's bed, even though today is house-wide sheet washing day, for tonight he will wet the bed."
"Quit feeding the cat on the front porch. Or, a possum will make your hedges his home."
-Get back to work, old and wise Chinese philosophers. We all would appreciate it.