Friday, November 7, 2008


No, this is not a snazzy recipe for eggs... I can only make eggs one way-- scrambled. I did try to fry some recently, but as Bert so eloquently put it, they were too "rubbery." In my own defense, it was the first time I tried to fry eggs, and as I mentioned in my previous post, I HATE to cook.

The setting: a grocery store check out line
The cast: Me, Thunder (3 1/2 years old) and his other three siblings (ages 5, 2 and 1)
Time: rush hour
Extras in the scene: check out girl, customers in line, and one extremely stinky man in line in front of us

Me, "Guys, we're almost done here. Please don't throw the groceries on the floor. Sweetie, hold your brother's cup for him please. No, you guys cannot have any.... Okay, everybody gets one piece of candy. ONE!"

Innocent by standers, "Oh, honey! You got your hands FULL!" "Where did they get their red hair? All of them got red hair, huh? And neither you nor your husband..." (The usual fun comments when you take four red heads out in public under the age of five.) "Are they ALL yours?" (Hey Nosey, did you mean to say, "Are they all by the same father?" Because of course they're ALL mine! Who would take that many kids grocery shopping if they weren't ALL MINE?)

Thunder, while holding his nose after reaching for his pack of M&M's (which was very close to the stinky character listed in the Extras cast)

"Momma, what smells like button eggs?"

"Honey, what do you mean? I don't know what button eggs are."

Note to self: Don't ever, EVER ask a 3 1/2 year old to clarify something they've said in public.

"NO MOMMA! Not button eggs, BUTT and EGGS!"

At this point he is nearly screaming because poor Thunder has only just in the last few months begun speaking clearly. In the past he's gotten frustrated with others for not knowing what he was saying, so as we would ask him to repeat his toddler sentences, he would just get louder, as if the problem was with our hearing, not his speech.

Again he says, "Something smells like BUTT and EGGS!"

At this point I wanted to grab a trashy US Weekly and pretend that I wasn't with him, but it was too late. Too many had already commented on how they ALL had that red hair. Plus, I was now catching a whiff of the customer in front of us. Suddenly I was so surprised by two things.... First, how did my 3 1/2 year old put those two items together to make that description. Second, how did he do it so accurately! Shooo-wheee!

I'm sure the man in front of us heard Thunder. The cashier did, and nodded as if she agreed wholeheartedly. What can I say? Children are BRUTALLY honest.


Ashley and Nolan said...

Hey! Thanks for the comment! I'm glad I found your blog! :) I just read the "button eggs" and was DYING laughing!!!! That is TOO FUNNY! :) Hope you all are doing well. Your children are all absolutely PRECIOUS! :)

mandystephens said...

That is one of the funniest things I have read!!! You need to send that in to Reader's Digest! You are a great writer.
I hope you and those precious kids are doing good!

Kristy said...

That's perfect! Good Monday morning laugh!

Ashley @ pure and lovely said...

I just laughed out loud. thats the funniest thing ive heard. We loved seeing you guys yesterday. your babes are just precious! you also look like you have it under control. I have no clue how you do it, and want to know, which is harder? 1 to 2, 2 to 3, or 3 to 4? Because I think if you can do four, you can do anything.

Kiera said...

You have been the talk of my family and friends. They all conclude you definitely need to write a book or have some kind of column somewhere because you're a great writer and are so hilarious!!! Can't wait to see you in a couple of weeks!!!! Love you!

Do you think I'm bad? said...

HOLLLLLLLLY!!!!!! i'm so glad u found me!!! i swear i think of you everytime i hear that fishin' in the dark song.....however i NEVER sing the right words. :) glad you're doing well and can't wait to "stalk" your blog. hee hee.

Kate said...

Okay... You have got to write a book! I really needed that laugh last night and called mom and dad to give them a laugh.

I love yall!