Sunday, June 7, 2009

Dear Home-Birthing Kinda Moms

Please keep your strongly opinionated comments to yourself. No, not all doctors are money-hungry. You are wrong if you think hospitals are seen strictly as cash cows to all M.D.s. You are incorrect in your flaunting of the greedy attitude of every doctor on the planet and their selfish reasons for obtaining a medical degree. Contrary to what you may think, many doctors went to medical school because they felt a calling in this area. And it's the fact that they spent nearly 12 years post graduate that leads me to believe they just might know a little more than I do when it comes to health care and delivering babies. Yes, women have been delivering babies in their homes for hundreds and thousands of years before hospitals were created. However, the infant mortality rate, as well as the death rate of delivering mothers was also much higher than today.

Look, if you want to go on having babies in your bathtub, where you have to clean up all the carnage and goo from a delivery yourself, that's fine with me. However, what's not okay with me is how you feel the need the remind us constantly that the evil doctors are the reason we suffer during childbirth. No, darling, Eve is the reason we suffer during childbirth. The fact that Dr. Smith was busy closing up a c-section when Hail decided to make his grand entrance in a time that was Guinness World Record's worthy, does not upset me. The wonderful crew of nurses who delivered him did a great job, and Hail is now a healthy and vibrant 20 month old. How was Dr. Smith to know that when he checked my cervix at 2:00 and I was only at 5cm, that Hail would be born by 3:08?? Dr. Smith did what he needed to do, which was tend to another Mom whose baby was in distress. I'm thankful for that, and I'm sure the other mother is too.

Just do me this favor, HBM (Home-Birthing Mom) , when there are a group of us sitting around discussing our OBGYNs, pediatricians and family docs, please keep quiet. Or, if you feel you just must show us the "correct birthing position" vs a "doctor friendly birthing position" please at least ask do any of us care to see you turn backwards on the chair with your head down and your rear pointed towards us all. I do realize you have delivered 10 and now waiting for #11 to deliver naturally. Which, I guess to some, does give you a right to explain how to squirt a baby out quickly. But, being a mother who has delivered three naturally (with HUGE heads I might add) and planning to deliver my fourth with no drugs as well, I would like to say that each time I have used the "doctor friendly position" that you speak of so negatively. While you seem to toot your horn on being a "strong woman and not using drugs," I say, you are not a hero any more than those who use the drugs.

Side note here: Her Highness was delivered while I was enjoying the effects of an epidural. However, moments after her birth, I had a horrible reaction to the drugs and vomited for HOURS. I don't do well on meds, never have. The nurses would hand me our new, sweet baby girl, and as soon as I would get her in my arms, BOOM! Bert would grab the trash can and I would pass Her Highness back off before even getting comfortable with her. Hours later, as the drugs finally started to come out of my system, I quit throwing up and finally was able to see our first miracle. The nurse later explained that was a reaction to the epidural and I would probably always experience such side effects. Since I have quick labors, (average 6 hours) it has been my choice to stay away from it. But, for those who can tolerate the drugs, I say go for it!!! If it weren't for my reaction, I would have every single time. Back to my point...

You are not a super-hero Mom because you stay drug free. You also don't get brownie points for keeping the umbilical cord attached for a while longer to your new baby, saving the placenta to plant a tree in the yard, not getting your children vaccinated, and eating only organic. I will say, I don't know how in the world you are able to run a house with so many children and homeschool. I don't know how... or why. But it's here that I would like to make my point. You see, none of us "hospital-birthing moms" try and put you in your place during such conversations. We all smile, nod and go "Oh, okay." Because we are being polite and honestly don't care if you choose to go that route. Just quit trying to make us feel bad, cause here's the thing: WE DON'T CARE. The fact that you preach as though you think we are the insane ones makes your information even harder to accept. Try taking a more laid-back approach to such topics.

Much Obliged,
Holly Hudson -H.D.A.;B.F.M.D.;M.F.A.F.H.H.C.W.

(In case you're unaware of the degrees I specialize in, those stand for: Hospital-Delivery Advocate; Best Friend of an M.D.; Mother of Four Almost Five Healthy Happy Children Who Come into Contact with all types of Doctors for all types of reasons.)

PS. If you are a HBM and you don't reflect this attitude onto innocent bystanders, obviously this letter is not intended for you, so don't reply with hate mail. Thanks so much.


Anonymous said...

I had Dr. Smith as well and loved him!! He would get so excited at my appointments if Anne Katherine was moving in my tummy. You could tell he really loved his job!

Nikki McElroy said...

There must be a story behind this one...

Jay said...

Oh My.

You don't know me... I am a friend of Dana's.

But, can I please please puh-LEASE anonmymously forward this to someone. (okay, not really... but I know someone who definitely needs to read this)

Kudos, You said everything that I have ever thought!

Love it.

Holly said...

Nikki-- I can't believe I saw you today and didn't fill you in!! It's a good one.

Jay-- A friend of Dana's is a friend of mine! Please do pass on my address, or give me her info and I'll "just happen" to e-mail her. I mean seriously, I get so annoyed when others try and push their opinions as the only right way.
Deep breath... off my soap box now.

The Hills said...

I TOTALLY agree!!! I don't take drugs well either and am wondering what route to take with the next one!

Kiera said...

You're hilarious and I TOTALLY agree. I mean, I've only been there once and YES I had an epidural, and I do stand in amazement at people like you who can do it with no drugs, but like you said, I appreciate you not making me feel like I'm less of a woman or that I just "couldn't handle it!" Honestly, I don't think I could have done it, but that's beside the point... I don't need anyone telling me that! ;) LOL Love you!

Dixie said...

I LOVE my doctor (shout out Dr. Alverson) and he has done so much for me, can't imagine not using an OB. Lil L' may not be here if I had not had him in the hospital. I say whatever floats your boat, but my boat is definitely going to the hospital at delivery time!

Disclaimer: If you do have your babies at home I think that is great and it is the process you have to endure and I pray all always goes well.

Lastly, the only person we should thank for the suffering endured during childbirth is Eve! Hope that fruit was good. ha!

Supabloggasuprememama said...

OH MY GOSH. I just peed a little from my bad kegle exercises while reading this post. I know you've seen this before, but read where JR freaked out on my post. anonymous JR is totally reflective of the HOME BIRTHING FREAKS OUT THERE. I'm surprised you haven't gotten more hate mail. I'm totally comin to your street fight.

ps. Im totally sorry that you have such a hard time with epis. I would DIE without one. DIE, I tell you. DIEEEEEE.

Shekinah Glory said...

You can plant a tree with your placenta? Awesome. I call dibsies on yours after November.

Cindy said...

You preach sista! I'm all about having Dr. Smith catch my baby in a hospital and not being able to even notice it because of my epi! :-) And, I don't judge the home birthing, homemade organice baby food making, nursing until their kids start school (oh wait, they tend to home school don't they?), co-sleeping for life, wearing their baby in a sling even after they can walk mommas. Just leave us Dr. loving, hospital birthing, baby food in a jar and shoes with velcro mommas out of the line of fire! :-)

Jimmy said...

*IF* I ever had a baby, I'd always wanted to at least TRY it naturally, but that's my own thing. I've never once thought people bad for going to the hospital. I mean, I've been reading all these blogs where people end up in early labor or end up having babies with special needs - you can't do that in your own home! It's frightening to think of not having the necessary equipment to save your baby's life, if he's teetering between the edges of life and death!

Anyway, whatever you do is fine - your babies have all been perfect anyway! You squirt those babies out, and I'll get that guy to make a sculpture of you, perched on a bear rug, pooping out a baby like Britney Spears! WOO!

Priscilla Gray said...

I was a birthed-at-home baby (with mid-wife). My mom said it was the easiest labor out of all 5 of us. Having gone through it herself, she still highly recommends that her children not go that route :).

Holly, I had no idea that you birthed all your boys without an epidural!!!! I had to have an epidural with the twins just in case of an emergency, but afterwards was majorly sick too - almost passed out several times just laying in bed. I think I was the last of the whole family to get to hold my babies on delivery day. I have debated on whether it is worth it or not to go naturally this time (we only have a couple of weeks to decide - woohoo!!). I was all for it when I was pregnant with the twins, but when they made me have an epidural labor was SO easy. Obviously, it is more worth it to you to go through the process without the meds, but can you give me any advice???

Priscilla Gray said...

Thanks SOOO much for the info!! We are super excited about #3!!Thankfully, Jordan is totally not squeamish when it comes to girly things, so I am sure that he welcomed the lesson in natural childbirth, haha! So far Jordan is the only blogger. I am not great at putting my thoughts down in an organized way so that people can actually understand me, but I have got to start keeping up with things that go on in our little world before I forget even more.

I think we have decided if I am going to be induced I am going to go with the meds, but if I go into labor on my own, we will try natural - I guess depending on how dilated I am when I make it to the hospital. Labor was very quick and easy with the twins - got my epidural at 5 1/2 cm and had not had any pain to that point. A little over an hour later both babies were born - who knows if that was because there were two pushing out or not. I guess we will see! If I am as sick this time as I was last time, I will probably opt out in the future, but maybe last time was just a fluke(I am going to keep telling myself that :).

I was also wondering what you do for a diaper type bag for church, grocery store, etc? I know our diaper bag for 2 is always huge and full, so when #3 is here do I get her a different bag, try to stuff it all together in a bag that I have or get a gigantic bag for all 3?