Monday, May 18, 2009

Children should have mute buttons.

And, as the child continues to grow and mature, the mute button could eventually disappear, leaving their comments un-moderated. But, only if the child's parents have not pressed the button for a couple of years. Each time the button gets pressed, the timer will reset, adding additional time. For some, the button would disappear by age four. For others, it would still be available for use in their 30's. Thunder is one who would have it until he was 30, I have no doubt.

Scene I

Setting: Daylight Doughnuts
Characters: Bert, Thunder, Her Highness, and "Pat" a young male (?) cashier with a very high voice, and others waiting in line for their trans-fat filled doughnuts. (Honestly, I don't care about the transfat, Bert is the one who pointed out how much they contained. I gobbled them up because it's a carb. See previous post.)

Bert places his take-out order.

"Pat",who's old enough to work in a chain restaurant, but whose voice still hasn't gone through the "change": Okay, so that's three plain and three chocolate covered, will that be all today, sir?

Thunder, laughing hysterically and shouting because he couldn't control his excitement for what he's just observed: DADDY! DADDY! IS THAT A BOY OR A GIRL??? CAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS A BOY BUT WHEN HE TALKS HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE A GIRL!!!! WHICH IS IT?? A BOY OR A GIRL????

Bert paid as quickly as possible, grabbed our doughnuts and RAN out of there.

Scene II

Setting: Target
Characters: Thunder, Me, the rest of The Storm and a couple straight off the show "My Big Redneck Wedding." We will call them "Cherry & Bubba."
Costumes: The wife, who had bleached blond hair with black roots, weighed close to 300 lbs was wearing cut-off shorts and a tight tank top that stopped just above her navel, proudly displaying her belly ring. It looked like a door knocker. Her husband, who had a long brown pony-tail and weighed barely 120 lbs, had on a matching set of jean shorts and an air-brushed tank with some Nascar scene on the front.
The Storm Chaser and her Storm had finally made it to the exit, without any fiascoes. Feeling triumphant as we exited the store, we passed our nice couple, putting out their cigs before entering the No-Smoking Zone.

Thunder, who has been brainwashed along with his sister to think showing your belly-button in public other than at the pool or beach is a major crime (cause, well it should be, skinny or fat) shouting as usual when he gets excited: HEY MOMMA! THAT LADY HAS A BABY IN HER TUMMY! SEE!

"Bubba" to "Cherry" who was obviously NOT knocked up: I told you not to wear that shirt.

We ran, literally, to our car. Throwing the groceries in as fast as I could, I peeled out of the parking lot, Dukes of Hazard style.

Seriously, children should have mute buttons.


The Hills said...

Love to know that you have one like mine!!! TJ could definitely use a mute button!

Dixie said...

Hilarious! I loved the belly button ring comment, comparing it to a door knocker! Ha! Tell Thunder thanks for providing me with some laughter today!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh those were hysterical!! I was laughing out loud while reading them and had to get Jonathan to come in here to read them too.

Nikki McElroy said...

The "I told you not to wear that shirt" part is the kicker. And I wish I had been in the Doughnut shop that morning (or anytime as that would mean I was getting a doughnut).

Supabloggasuprememama said...

I totally agree.