Friday, May 8, 2009

Mama Needs a New Pair of Shoes

Dear Pretty Princess,
It has come to my attention that you are now an expert in the matters of getting exactly what you want, not always what you need mind you, especially in areas where your Father is involved. In the past I have tried to shun this behavior and prove to your Father that you have him wrapped completely around your tiny little finger, but he has refused to hear me out. I told him that I too was an expert, so I'm watching myself grow up, in a way.

I would like to make a deal with you on this matter. For Mother's Day, when Daddy takes you four shopping and lets you pick out something from your heart (which I do find quite adorable) please tell him you are dying to go to a mattress store. Bat those big brown eyes, poke your lip out, all the usual stunts you know to pull. Then, if he still turns you down, stomp your foot with your hand on your hip. Lay it on him thick with the whole, "That's not fair!! Why don't we ever do what I wanna do?? You're a mean Daddy!!" When he finally caves, as he always does, take him to the king size mattresses. Then, make sure it's a good one. Sealy will do. Tell him that Mommy deserves a king size bed. She is tired of being a contortionist throughout the night to avoid kicking the sweet little faces that crowd at her feet during the night. And, furthermore, she's sick of Hail kicking her in the face from 1-6am when she finally can't take it anymore and just moves to the couch.

Sweet girl of mine, if you can pull this one off, I will turn my head the other direction when I see your Father caving at the toy store for the latest Barbie that you just had to have. I will give you several free passes to cry your way out of a spankin' when you totally deserve it. I will no longer interfere with your talent of making your Father dance like a puppet on strings. I may make comments under my breath as I walk past him such as "Dance puppet... dance." But, that's all, I promise. Just score me that king sized bed!! Now, get to work.

Love Always,


Kate said...

Seriously, please write a weekly column for a magazine. I love reading your blog! Mine is so boring compared to yours... Miss and Love yall!


Holly said...

Kate, whatever!!! Creating a human life is NOT boring!! I've always enjoyed keeping up with you this way. BTW, I LOVE your title. And, what's going to happen with the real Jon & Kate?? Will season five be called Jon minus 9? Or Kate plus 8? Crazy. Love you!

The Hills said...

If anyone deserves a king size bed, it's you! I'll keep my fingers crossed that Lucy is able to get her way :)

And, no kidding, you should totally write a column! You're hilarious!

Dixie said...

Ditto to all the comments 1) you should write a column, and 2) you definintely need a king size bed! Come on Princess bat those eyes!!!! Tell B I will even buy you your first set of sheets! ha!
Happy Mother's Day to you and all the Mom's reading this!
Love, Dixie

Kate said...

Hopefully I will have some fun stuff to report on. Right now, the only changes I have are constant hunger and not wanting to eat anything I buy at the grocery store... Out to eat always sounds so much better. I am going to be healthier this week. I have been just eating was sounded good (fries, burgers, pizza) and working out b/c I thought that made up for it. We'll see when I step on the scale in a few weeks!

Yes, Jay thought of the title b/c people are constantly saying "Jay and Kate plus 8".

When I am back in AU, we have to get together!

Love you all and Happy Mother's Day!

Ole Miss Mom said...

very funny...the thought crossed my mind to also "drop hints" to my 6 year old daughter!! ;-)

Supabloggasuprememama said...

1. sorry im so behind on my blogs. this is hilarious.

2. how on EARTH have yall survived this long without one

3. im still so incredibly impressed that you will now have five children because I LITERALLY thought I was DYING last night. I must be the biggest wimp ever and youre my idol.