Monday, August 31, 2009

Flattery gets you no where...

....maybe that's why my children try their best not to use it.

Scene I: Carpool pickup after school in our awesome mini-van

Characters: Me, Thunder and his best bud from preschool

And Action!

Thunder's Best Bud: Hey, what if we lived together! And, I wasn't just riding to my house, I was heading home with you to live at your house. Then we could play together all the time!

Thunder: Yeah, okay.
(Thunder lives with built in playmates, so the whole adding another "brother" doesn't appeal quite so much.)

Thunder's Best Bud: No, what I'm sayin' is, like we could be brothers and LIVE in your house ALL THE TIME. Wouldn't that be sooooo much fun???

Thunder: I mean, it would be, but if you lived with me, my Mom would be mean at you sometimes.

Thunder's Best Bud: You're Mom's NOT mean!! She's always nice to me. She couldn't be mean at me!!!

Thunder: Not if you live with her! I'm tellin' you, if you lived with her, she would be mean at you sometimes.

Me: Umm, so is it that I'm MEAN to you, or is that you don't always obey, so sometimes you get into trouble??

Thunder: Nope. You're just mean at me sometimes. I guess cause you're so grouchy.

End Scene.

Scene II: Our dining room window

Characters: Lightning and Me

Lightning: Momma! I just saw Bean's Mom! She's over there, in Mr. Nick's yard!!

(Beans is our miniature dachshund who was our first child, many years ago. He once lived the high life as Prince Beans. Now he's our backyard guard dog. Don't judge me, we have a fenced in yard, and he is much happier outside than being stepped on all day by my human children.)

Me: Honey, how do you know that it is Bean's Mom?

Lightning: Well, she looked just like Beans, but FAT!

End scene.

Scene III: Getting Her Highness ready for another fun-filled day of first grade

Characters: Her Highness, Thunder and Me

Me: Miss Priss, if you don't get over here and let me do your hair, you will have to go to school with crazy hair.

Her Highness: I don't wanna go to school today! First grade is soooo boring!

Me: I remember first grade. It is harder than kindergarten, but surely there are some fun things you like to do during the day.

Her Highness: Momma, what was first grade like back in the OLD DAYS, anyway?

Thunder: And what did you watch on tv back then??

Curtain closes, and I cry backstage.


The Hills said...

Too funny! Your kids aren't the only one...TJ calls me "big, fat momma!"

Cindy said...

That's too dang funny! Out of the mouths of babes, huh? :-)

Dixie said...

Thank you for giving me some good laughs today. I read earlier and kept thinking of their "flattery" stories all day and cracking up. My fave is the "Beans Mom" story.

Dana said...

I get those when you were a kid questions all the time. It's really sad when I have to answer no. Mom, when you were little did you look things up on the internet? ouch.. We must seem ancient to them.