Saturday, August 1, 2009

Whimsical Beds, A game played just like musical chairs...

Only, when playing this version, you usually aren't coherent enough to find out who wins. It goes a little something like this...



10:30pm-- Fall into queen size bed with husband, already snoring at your side. Sigh loudly, for it helps to cleanse the soul. Flop over, so your 23 week pregnant belly doesn't suffocate you. Lie there approximately 43 seconds before passing out.

10:47-- Wake to screaming 22 month old in room across house with two sound sleeping brothers, tucked snugly in bunk beds. 22 month old continues to scream, even though you've now picked him up and are heading to the kitchen to fill sippy cup with juice. (I do it, it's true. So sue me. They're BABY teeth anyway.)

10:49-- Plop 22 month old in center of bed. Cram passie down his throat since juice is obviously not what he wanted. Flop back over, onto side. Pass back out.



12:00am-- Baby kicks your bladder. Waddle holding lower back, to the bathroom.

1:02-- Feel something or someone in your face. Open eyes and nearly jump out of skin when you realize it is your three year old, with his nose less than one inch from your face. Ask him if his clothes are wet. Send him to potty so they won't get wet. After hearing him flush, allow three year old to crawl in at the foot of bed. Kick husband for snoring. And for not waking up with any of the commotion. Flop over, pass out.



2:57-- Hear a familiar voice, much like that of your four year old son. "Momma, Momma, I don't know why, but my bed is all wet. And so is my shirt. Can I sleep with you??" Send him to strip in bathroom. Grab a clean pair of undies out of clothes pile in floor. Appreciate, this once, that you didn't have time/give a care to fold laundry and put away. Tuck four year old son in your spot of the bed. Again kick husband and pretend it's because of his snoring. Walk to couch. Flop around a few seconds. Pass out.



3:45-- Feel a very light tap on shoulder, followed by a sweet whisper, "Momma. Momma. Can I lay down with you? My arm is tingling and I had a bad dream." Rub your six year old daughter's arm. Make room on couch while telling her it was just a dream and everything will be all right... but only if Mommy gets some freakin' sleep! (That last part is optional.)




3:50-- Decide that sleeping with a hot natured six year old, who rolls around and kicks too much is not ideal on a couch. Move towards six year old's room, since she is no longer occupying the space. And, since your four year old already peed in his bed. Decide to take chances on the three year old's bottom bunk since daughter's bed is partially covered in barbies and baby dolls and you have no energy to rake everything onto the floor.

3:51-- Fall into three year old's bottom bunk. Detect a slight urine scent, but hope it's coming from top bunk. Flop over, pass out.

4:29-- Baby kicks bladder, AGAIN. Think for a moment that you are already back from the bathroom and begin to fall back asleep... until you realize that you did NOT just go because when you tried to roll over, you nearly wet the bed. Cross legs and scissor walk to bathroom.

4:57-- Hear pitter-patter of chubby toddler feet and rattle of soggy diaper. Feel chubby hands patting face. Then, hear screaming, "Mommy! MOMMY! I WAY DOWN WIF YOU!! I NEED DINK! I WAY DOWN WIF YOOOOOUUUU!!!" Throw 22 month old up against the wall, and pretend it was an accident. Hobble to kitchen, grab cup out of fridge, hobble back to urine smelling room, toss cup in direction of child. Flop/pass.

5:59-- Three year old stands next to bed, motionless, breathing down your neck. Open eyes, jump out of skin. Waddle to fridge, pour chocolate milk, get blankie off foot of bed, throw it on top of him on other couch. Turn Disney on softly. Consider crawling in at foot of queen size bed to catch a few more zzz's. Quickly nix thought when smell of husband's feet come to mind.

6:04-- Stare, blankly at coffee pot. Move in zombie like motion until entire cup of coffee is consumed. Wonder why in the world your kids can't sleep through the night and how you're going to handle a newborn in the mix. Decide to bottle feed this baby and force which ever child is up at the moment to change and feed baby. Then, walk back to bedroom and kick husband. This time don't pretend it's because he was snoring. Tell him you just remembered that you will be breastfeeding and NO ONE can help. Wipe tears from eyes. You still have four months to deal with that. Now, time to face another fun filled day!

20 comments:

Priscilla Gray said...

Holly - you are such a great storyteller!! I actually feel like I am there - haha, that may also be because I have a little zoo of my own :). I absolutely LOVE hearing about all of your adventures. You are such a great mommy and you will be amazing with #5 too! I am, hopefully, headed to bed while there are NO kids awake and/or in my bed :)

Tesney said...

I am laughing my face off right now.

Dixie said...

I must say I am laughing hysterically, only I hate to admit that because you could probably punch me! ha! I love the part of "again kick husband and pretend it is because of his snoring." Not that I want you to kick B,but I know how hard it is not to envy them for just 1 full nights rest! Being up anywhere between 4 and 8 times between 11pm and 6am, and watching your husband snooze away and actually make the comment at 6:30am of "boy I am tired, the baby woke me up 2 times last night (for approx. 30 seconds each time)does add a little fuel to the already envious fire!

You are the best mom, and you will probably miss a lot of moments, but it probably won't be the ones involving lack of sleep. ha!

Dana said...

Oh girl.. I don't know what to say.. You did make it sound funny but I am laughing so I don't cry. Seriously, one night's sleep is not too much to ask.

And the breastfeeding.. I know what you are saying. My husband was never able to help for at least the first year. And I am totally preaching to the choir here but I have a really good pump I can send your way so he can help..

Kristy said...

That's just flippin' hilarious. You are a great mom.

McKinney Madness said...

I don't know how you do it! I'm worn out just thinking about it. I love my sleep way too much!! You are definitely a pro at it though and I think you do a GREAT job!!

The Hills said...

I don't know how you are so sweet and cheery after all of those sleepless nights!!! I would be a raging lunatic! You're amazing!!!

Nikki McElroy said...

Send them over to sleep at my house. Seriously. Anytime. Love you and yours. Happy Birthday!!

Lydia Tignor said...

And yet somehow, every time I see you at church, you look gorgeous and do not look like you have only had a couple hours of sleep. You are my hero!

Supabloggasuprememama said...

hilarious. absolutely hilarious. love the pics.

Ashley and Nolan said...

bless your heart! you are such a trooper!

m@ndy said...

Girl, better you than me!! You are Super Mom! I'm glad my kids are older now, they know they'll get something thrown at them if they even open our bedroom door before we get up!! They are 8 & 12 so don't fear there will be a time, maybe, one day you can sleep! When all the kids get older though. Kudos Sister!

Voice of Reason said...

Are all you people with the "great mom" and "terrific job" comments smokin crack?! Did any of you stop to think about how screwed up these kids will be when they are teenagers and still sleeping with their parents?? Not to mention, how does one get pregnant with their 5th with all of this going on?

Holly said...

Brother Dearest,
We are far more creative than you could/would want to imagine your little sister being.

How you like them apples???

Ole Miss Mom said...

Oh goodness...I dread nights like those! At least they're far and few between! Glad you can make light of it after the fact!!

The Corley's said...

Oh my gosh that was hysterical! Holly, can you send me your email? I closed our blog because I got nervous since I post so many pictures of Ak. My email is caseyhcorley@gmail.com

Thanks!!

Cindy said...

Holly - I can't tell you how great it was to read this post and laugh my face off! You're awesome, you rock, and you're my hero.

Shannon and Andrew said...

Hey, Happy Birthday!!! I hope you get a few more minutes of sleep tonight.

Rachael Hamilton said...

That was a great blog Holly! Throughly enjoyed it!!! Congratulations on #5!!!

Kiera said...

YOu crack me up and I felt like I was living it!! I only have 1 and I feel like I'm doing the same, can't imagine. YOu're super mom though and can handle anything. Love and miss you and would love to see and kiss those little babies!! ;)