Dear TLC and Network Affiliates,
On behalf of all the mothers out there who were beginning to feel less adequate compared to the Supermoms of the world that are raising perfect little world beaters, I would like to say thank-you for your new series, "Toddlers & Tiaras." I now feel like the title holder of "World's Best MOM" for not living vicariously through my little girl. I am so proud to have been nominated for the following reasons: 1. I would NEVER in a million years have my five year old spray-tanned. 2. I would NEVER thrust my child in front of a panel of judges and wait for them to tell me if she is pretty enough to win a crown that can be found at your local Dollar General store along with a stupid title that is so long even the emcee who is reading from a card can't get it all straight. Example- "Little Miss Universal Universe Royalty Diamond Castle Barbie Princess."
3. And I would NEVER EVER order a set of fake teeth so that her snaggle-toothed grin could be "more perfect."
TLC, you have renewed my faith in mediocracy and helped me to regain the strength to face another day of doing just enough to get my child to school (not on time, but to school non the less) and keep them all fed and dressed. The fact that no one in my household has worn freshly ironed clothes in almost two years will no longer bother me. The fact that my son had Cheez-its for breakfast will not weigh on my conscience one second longer. For this I shall be forever grateful.
Your Reigning Worlds Almost Best Mom Universal Royalty Winner
*You too can get this boost of confidence for your parenting life. Tune in on Tuesdays, 9pm, TLC.