Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Thank-you, TLC

Dear TLC and Network Affiliates,

On behalf of all the mothers out there who were beginning to feel less adequate compared to the Supermoms of the world that are raising perfect little world beaters, I would like to say thank-you for your new series, "Toddlers & Tiaras." I now feel like the title holder of "World's Best MOM" for not living vicariously through my little girl. I am so proud to have been nominated for the following reasons: 1. I would NEVER in a million years have my five year old spray-tanned. 2. I would NEVER thrust my child in front of a panel of judges and wait for them to tell me if she is pretty enough to win a crown that can be found at your local Dollar General store along with a stupid title that is so long even the emcee who is reading from a card can't get it all straight. Example- "Little Miss Universal Universe Royalty Diamond Castle Barbie Princess."
3. And I would NEVER EVER order a set of fake teeth so that her snaggle-toothed grin could be "more perfect."

TLC, you have renewed my faith in mediocracy and helped me to regain the strength to face another day of doing just enough to get my child to school (not on time, but to school non the less) and keep them all fed and dressed. The fact that no one in my household has worn freshly ironed clothes in almost two years will no longer bother me. The fact that my son had Cheez-its for breakfast will not weigh on my conscience one second longer. For this I shall be forever grateful.

Sincerely,
Your Reigning Worlds Almost Best Mom Universal Royalty Winner

*You too can get this boost of confidence for your parenting life. Tune in on Tuesdays, 9pm, TLC.

7 comments:

Supabloggasuprememama said...

I just laughed out loud at the barbie princess bit.

Jimmy said...

You know, I watched that show just last weekend, and I was riveted, like onlookers to a car accident. I, TOO, was flabbergasted at the fake veneers children wear because *gasp* THEIR TEETH FALL OUT AT SOME AGE!

I think of all we did to ready ourselves for performance after performance, and I can remember I HATED doing hair. If I could have gone out there in the stark nude, with my hair back in a ponytail, I would have been perfectly happy, just because we were performing.

But you know, after all that, *we* were just effing adorable - I HAVE PROOF!

&=) I love you, baby girl! I can't wait to see you! &=)

Jessa Mullen said...

HAHAHAHAHAHHA !!!! That was so funny.. I am always telling people how funny your blog is.. You are very good at this...
But this one might just take the cake !!!
Keep it up !!

Kelly Key said...

Holly...that was so funny! Thank you for a good laugh. I have only seen snipits of that show but it is disgraceful!

Kiera said...

Thanks for my daily dose of humor! I love you for this and for many other reasons.. But you're the best! Love and miss you!

McKinney Madness said...

Preach it sister! That show is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard of. LOVE the post!

Cindy said...

The show is like a train wreck for me. I know I shouldn't watch it, but I'm just can't seem to look away! It's so wrong, on so many levels.

However, Jay seems to believe that had we had a little girl, I would most certainly turn into that crazy southern psycho pageant mom and carried my infant out there to have the emcee announced that she loved applesauce and looking at her mobile, AND that her future goals included crawling!

I have to admit, I was jealous of the beauty queens I knew growing up. Oh, how I longed for a giant crown full of fake diamonds. Alas, it was not meant to be. Instead, I grew up and worked at a hotel that hosts the contestants for the Miss Georgia competition every year. My admiration of beauty queens quickly faded at that point!

I love your commentary girl! You always bring a smile to my face!