Thunder, The Preacher Man

The things that come out of Thunder's mouth, or rather, that go through his mind (which is really one in the same, since whatever pops in his head, flies out his mouth)... never cease to amaze me. Or should I have said, never cease to embarrass me. After giving us the recipe for Button-Eggs, trying to help individuals who may be experiencing gender confusion, and serving on our local Voluntary Fashion Police Force, Thunder's uncensored mouth causes me to cringe and pray every time he opens his mouth in public. Fortunately, our latest verbal mishap occurred with only our immediate family present.


One of Thunder's favorite books is The Golden Children's Bible. He loves pouring over it's pages and studying each of the pictures, then re-telling each Bible story to his band of brothers. They listen intently as he goes into detail, adding some facts that even John the Baptist wasn't aware of. "And then, Jesus said, 'Let the little chi-rens come to Me, cause thems my favorite. Especially the red-headed chi-rens. Always red-heads are my favorites, so they can sit in my lap FIRST!".... I'm sure that minute detail was left out of the Bible accidentally.

Thunder's favorite story is from Matthew 4, when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness.
Mainly because of this illustration....

He studies this picture on a regular basis and asks tons of questions concerning the "debil."
"But, Momma. But, Momma. Why does the debil have a cape?? Like Super-Man, but he's not a super hero! He's the debil, and that's the worst you can be!!!" I've tried to explain a million times that those pictures aren't accurate portraits, just one artist's view.

"So, why does Jesus have blond hair?? I thought he had brown hair, like in my other Bible."

"Baby, again, none of those pictures are exact. Just what the illustrator thought. No body really knows what God or the devil looks like. Most likely, Jesus did have dark hair, but it doesn't matter. What matters is how much God and Jesus love us."

On and on we go.

"So, if the debil can fly, can he fly here and do bad stuff to us?" I wanted to say YES, so always mind your Momma and keep your nose clean, but he's only five years old, so I tried to ease his fears a little, "No, honey. He can't physically get you. He lives far, far away, and God and Jesus protect us from him. Remember the song we sing, 'And Satan was DEFEATED as the blood flowed down.' (My kids LOVE the song, "I belong to Jesus, I belong to HIM!" Great song.) And remember that's why Jesus died on the cross for us, to save us from our sins and the devil."

Thunder, who is rarely satisfied with a simple answer had to hear more about where exactly the devil was residing. I went into a very elementary explanation of Hell. It's hot, everything is on fire, and the devil, along with all the evil villains of the world will reside there forever and ever, Amen. Thunder's fears seem to ease knowing the "debil" was in a jail of sorts. And that was that. No more questions on the matter.

Several days later, the whole family was getting into our van late in the afternoon. Since temps have been hitting the upper 80's, hot and humid air came out of the van door when Thunder opened it and jumped in. As he buckled his seat belt from his spot in the back, he said very matter of factly, "Man, it's hot as the debil's hell in here!"

Bert and I looked at each other, accusingly, then both shook our heads to say, "He didn't hear that from ME!" Bert asked, "Buddy, where did you hear that?" Thunder proudly responded, "Momma taught me about the debil and that he lives in hell forever since he was the baddest bad guy that ever lived. And he tried to fight God and Jesus but no body can beat Them!"

Maybe Thunder will grow up and be a Minister. I can see him now, standing at the end of the long aisle offering the invitation, waiting as the congregation sings the last verse (for the fourth time) of "Just as I am" and Thunder interrupting, "Before we finish this song, are you prepared to meet thy God? If you don't want to go to the debil's hell, then come, as together we stand and sing..."